TOP TEN SIGNS YOU MAY
HAVE A DRINKING PROBLEM
10) Telephone numbers for criminal and DUI attorneys are number one and two on you speed dialer.
9) You go on a two-week vacation out of town, and when you come back, your neighborhood liquor store has gone out of business.
8) Your automobile looks like it hit the wall at the third turn at Daytona Speedway, and you do not make your living as a professional stock car driver.
7) Thanks to bar charges on your credit cards, your frequent flier miles approximate the travel distance necessary to achieve lunar orbit.
6) The county jail is starting to receive letters from Publishers Clearing house addressed to you.
5) You wake up in a strange hotel room, and you're just thankful that the locals speak English.
4) Your resume lists your career objective as "will work for food."
3) You buy a burial plot at the cemetery and they charge you an environmental impact fee.
2) An accidental fire destroys 90% of your processions. The fire occurs at the local pawnshop. And the number one sign you may have a drinking problem:
1) Every time you go through the security gate at the airport, your liver sets off the metal detector.
TOP TEN SIGNS YOU MAY
BE IN RECOVERY
10) You drink more coffee per day than Starbucks in one week.
9) Emails to your friends have "HALT" as the subject header.
8) You and your buddies get thrown out of expesso bars and teahouses for being "too rowdy."
7) For parties with your friends, you but a couple cases of Mountain Dew and Pepsi-Cola.
6) Dining out, you wonder how someone at the next table can drink half a glass of wine and leave the rest.
5) There is at least one magnet on your refrigerator, plaque on your wall, or bumper-sticker on you car with an inspirational message printed on it.
4) You don't know the last names of most of your best friends.
3) If you need advice on money, you ask the guy in your meeting who used to be bankrupt.
2) When you empty your purse or pockets you find at least one of the following: an anniversary chip, scrapes of paper with phone numbers on people you met in meetings, pocket-sized Big Book, wallet-sized Preamble. And the number one sign you may be in recovery:
1) No matter how bad a day you had, if you go to bed sober, you consider yourself a winner.